Ventured out to Saruhashi in Yamanashi on Sunday for a barbeque with my old work colleagues. The colours were amazing and kouyou (the changing of the leaves) has only just begun!

It was great to get out the city for a day, and to catch up with the old crew - 2 of whom are leaving Japan in a few weeks. It's been quite a time for sayonara's recently. I have 5 friends leaving the country this month. Sucks.

In other news, people keep asking me if I'm doing OK, and I have to be honest and say I've been finding life a little difficult - everything is so much harder than it should be, and I just don't the energy for it all. I just can't be bothered. Cooking. Cleaning. Paying bills. Grocery shopping. Bah. Make it all go away. It's all just tooooo much.

And I'm having these rather epic Hollywood-esque horror movie nightmares that leave me shaken and breathless. They are probably being caused by overheating - sleeping with too much on the bed (I read somewhere that if you overheat in your sleep it causes you nightmares), 'cause I am usually soaked in sweat when I wake up. They leave me yawning and tired all day. I am even finding it an effort to ride my bike. If I had the choice I wouldn't leave my house.

But I'm glad I don't have the choice because once I get out and about, it's usually OK. Let me tell you how draining it is though, to keep facing those forlorn looks and people telling me how "sorry they are to hear....". I am avoiding my inbox to escape the daunting flow of emails that all expect replies, putting them all into the too-hard box until a rare moment of energy sets in.

Been listening to lots of Johnny Cash (particularly American IV - The Man comes around), the new Black Rebel Motorcycle Club CD, Howl and U2. Strange mix but all oh-so-soulful and full of exquisite heartbreak. Right up my alley during this strange time.

I just want to go and lie on a warm beach and have someone else look after me for a while while I stare at the waves. *sigh. Don't worry too much though. I'm sure in a couple of weeks I'll be doing much better. For now you will have to allow my grief-stricken ramblings.

Happy Birthday Mum. She would have been 68 today.