After a surreal dash through the clouds, I found myself holding the hand of the waiting man who once looked like my father, surrounded by a hi-tech wall of blips and bleeps and tubes. We met with the doctors and agreed that the removal of the respirator was the kindest thing we could do in light of full renal failure, severe cardiac scarring, chronic diabetes, and emphysemic lungs.
The beautiful nurses moved him into a private, dark room and one of them sat with me as I held his hand and stroked his arm for the 15 minutes it took him to take his leave. He died a soft, gentle, peaceful death, and he wasn't alone. That's all anyone could ever wish for. He was ready, with his bags packed. He was out of there as soon as we let him, off to join Mum.
I took this photo before we removed his respirator. I wanted to photograph his face but he wasn't looking like Dad anymore and I didn't want to remember that swollen face. I've always loved his big strong hands, so I took this picture instead.
My brother and I have been overwhelmed by the expressions of love, sympathy and support we have been receiving from his widespread community, and we are expecting a huge turn out at the funeral and wake. I'm doing OK, all things considered. It's just all very surreal. I have done a lot of crying and don't think I have many tears left. We have been surrounded by family and friends at all times, all of whom are grieving in their own way. Some with tears, some with humour. He touched so many people's lives, and I feel very proud of him.
frangipani wrote this on October 24, 2005 12:10 AM
Comments
Due to the proliferation of comment spam, I've closed comments on all older entries. If you would like to leave a comment for this post, please email me directly at martine {at} frangipani {dot} info and I'll add it manually. Thank you and sorry for any inconvience caused.
Just your hand on the hand of your father. Something that the words really cannot say.
I was there friday. I’m still there. With this small thing in my heart. That say I’m grateful to have “meet you” on the net because you express reality and it’s beauty. And suffering to. And, I hope, “apaisement”.
Om. diane
On October 24, 2005 5:55 AM,
davey said:
Our thoughts are with you.
Remember the good times.
Best wishes,
davey
On October 24, 2005 7:23 AM,
Juggs said:
"I'm doing OK, all things considered."...your post reminded me of when I lost my grandmother last year,..and well,..I just couldn't help myself when reading it but to cry.
I haven't cried since her death.
I feel for you in ways I can't convey in words. Take care little butterfly.
- Juggs
On October 24, 2005 8:09 AM,
Tenzin Choegyal said:
Om ma ni phad may hum... all our prayers for your dad and may his next journey be with full of lights. May he ride the skylike nature of mind... pure, bright, vast and relaxed. Tayatha Om gate gate para gate para sum gate bodhiye Soha
Oh Marty, its so awful being left behind. I feel so much for you. Juggs and I will be thinking about you, and if you need us you know we're here. Big big hug!
Im glad you are there too. Im glad you had time to get there. Im shocked by how fragile our once invincible parents are these days and im so sad that you have lost both of them now. Take care of yourself Ms. orphan franjipani, and we will do our best to take care of you.
Martine, our thoughts are with you and your family. I know the feeling of desperation when loosing a parent while living so very far away, and glad to read that you were able to hold his hand and say good-bye.
On October 24, 2005 1:18 PM,
Toan said:
My sincere condolences. Hang in there, Martine.
On October 24, 2005 1:47 PM,
Jennifer said:
I'm so sorry for your loss, Martine. I know this pain just doesn't go away, but I hope you're finding comfort in the shared memories of your father.
On October 24, 2005 5:07 PM,
Natalie D. said:
Thanks for sharing such a beautiful image. Remember that it wouldn't hurt this much if he wasn't so wonderful.
my thoughts are with you and your family, martine. the pain that seems insurmountable now will get easier with time. chin up, darling.
On October 25, 2005 12:41 AM,
helen said:
can't really add much to all the beautiful thoughts that are going out to you, but i am thinking of you, and hope in some way to be a better friend to you once you are back.
thank you for being so brave & sharing so much
hugs & love
h.
On October 25, 2005 1:21 AM,
Werner said:
I am sorry to hear about your loss. Even if it may have been expected, loosing a parent must be very difficult. You have my deepest sympathy.
my sincere condolences. please take good care of yourself!
On October 26, 2005 2:43 PM,
Tracey said:
Sweetie,
My sincerest condolences for the loss of your papa. It was wonderful that you were there for him. You and your brother have to take care of each other now but you have many friends to take care of you too.
Martine, my heartfelt sympathy. Having lost my father earlier this year, I know what you are going through. It's so hard and hits you at the strangest times. If you need a shoulder to cry on (or a stiff drink) when you return to Tokyo, please call.
As you know I understand. If you need a drink and a cry when you get back don't hesitate to contact me.
On October 27, 2005 8:12 PM,
Falpars said:
Toutes mes condoléances.
On October 28, 2005 3:04 PM,
indigogirl said:
My sweet Martine. My thoughts are with you and my shoulder and ears will be yours when you return. Take good care of each other and treasure each moment with your family while you are there.See you soon.
On October 28, 2005 3:56 PM,
J. said:
Martine, my sincerest condolences. I wish you a lot of strength to overcome this loss.
On October 28, 2005 10:27 PM,
Rob said:
Hi MT,
What can one say at times like these...
Except know we all love you.
I've only know you a short while, but if your father was anything like the person you are, he must have been a special guy.
Take care of yourself MT.
Thinking of you
Love Rob xoxo
On November 2, 2005 7:09 AM,
anonymous coward said:
hi martine,
found your site by chance and i must say i was so deeply moved by your last two posts, even though i have never met you.... hope everything turns out ok for you...
On November 2, 2005 11:36 AM,
Juggs said:
Just wanted to let everyone know I had dinner with Marty here in OZ this week and she is doing ok. It was great to catch up again with her. She is a beautiful soul.
She left for Tokyo this morning (Thursday). Have a safe flight little buddy.
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