[ frangipani ] [ a life in tokyo ] [ photoblog ]

After a surreal dash through the clouds, I found myself holding the hand of the waiting man who once looked like my father, surrounded by a hi-tech wall of blips and bleeps and tubes. We met with the doctors and agreed that the removal of the respirator was the kindest thing we could do in light of full renal failure, severe cardiac scarring, chronic diabetes, and emphysemic lungs.

The beautiful nurses moved him into a private, dark room and one of them sat with me as I held his hand and stroked his arm for the 15 minutes it took him to take his leave. He died a soft, gentle, peaceful death, and he wasn't alone. That's all anyone could ever wish for. He was ready, with his bags packed. He was out of there as soon as we let him, off to join Mum.

I took this photo before we removed his respirator. I wanted to photograph his face but he wasn't looking like Dad anymore and I didn't want to remember that swollen face. I've always loved his big strong hands, so I took this picture instead.

My brother and I have been overwhelmed by the expressions of love, sympathy and support we have been receiving from his widespread community, and we are expecting a huge turn out at the funeral and wake. I'm doing OK, all things considered. It's just all very surreal. I have done a lot of crying and don't think I have many tears left. We have been surrounded by family and friends at all times, all of whom are grieving in their own way. Some with tears, some with humour. He touched so many people's lives, and I feel very proud of him.

frangipani wrote this on October 24, 2005 12:10 AM

diane said:

You touch me.

Just your hand on the hand of your father. Something that the words really cannot say.

I was there friday. I’m still there. With this small thing in my heart. That say I’m grateful to have “meet you” on the net because you express reality and it’s beauty. And suffering to. And, I hope, “apaisement”.
Om. diane

October 24, 2005 05:55 AM

Juggs said:

"I'm doing OK, all things considered."...your post reminded me of when I lost my grandmother last year,..and well,..I just couldn't help myself when reading it but to cry.

I haven't cried since her death.

I feel for you in ways I can't convey in words. Take care little butterfly.

- Juggs

October 24, 2005 08:09 AM

j-ster said:

Im glad you are there too. Im glad you had time to get there. Im shocked by how fragile our once invincible parents are these days and im so sad that you have lost both of them now. Take care of yourself Ms. orphan franjipani, and we will do our best to take care of you.

Love and hugs

October 24, 2005 12:57 PM

helen said:

can't really add much to all the beautiful thoughts that are going out to you, but i am thinking of you, and hope in some way to be a better friend to you once you are back.

thank you for being so brave & sharing so much

hugs & love
h.

October 25, 2005 01:21 AM

Juggs said:

Just wanted to let everyone know I had dinner with Marty here in OZ this week and she is doing ok. It was great to catch up again with her. She is a beautiful soul.

She left for Tokyo this morning (Thursday). Have a safe flight little buddy.

- Juggs

November 3, 2005 07:33 AM

Due to the proliferation of comment spam, I've closed comments on all older entries. If you would like to leave a comment for this post, please email me directly at martine {at} frangipani {dot} info and I'll add it manually. Thank you and sorry for any inconvience caused.

Tenzin Choegyal said:

Om ma ni phad may hum... all our prayers for your dad and may his next journey be with full of lights. May he ride the skylike nature of mind... pure, bright, vast and relaxed. Tayatha Om gate gate para gate para sum gate bodhiye Soha

October 24, 2005 09:35 AM

mhegge said:

Martine, our thoughts are with you and your family. I know the feeling of desperation when loosing a parent while living so very far away, and glad to read that you were able to hold his hand and say good-bye.

October 24, 2005 01:18 PM

Tracey said:

Sweetie,
My sincerest condolences for the loss of your papa. It was wonderful that you were there for him. You and your brother have to take care of each other now but you have many friends to take care of you too.

October 27, 2005 04:54 PM

Kristen said:

Martine, my heartfelt sympathy. Having lost my father earlier this year, I know what you are going through. It's so hard and hits you at the strangest times. If you need a shoulder to cry on (or a stiff drink) when you return to Tokyo, please call.

October 27, 2005 06:27 PM

indigogirl said:

My sweet Martine. My thoughts are with you and my shoulder and ears will be yours when you return. Take good care of each other and treasure each moment with your family while you are there.See you soon.

October 28, 2005 03:56 PM

Rob said:

Hi MT,
What can one say at times like these...
Except know we all love you.
I've only know you a short while, but if your father was anything like the person you are, he must have been a special guy.
Take care of yourself MT.
Thinking of you
Love Rob xoxo

November 2, 2005 07:09 AM

anonymous coward said:

hi martine,
found your site by chance and i must say i was so deeply moved by your last two posts, even though i have never met you.... hope everything turns out ok for you...

November 2, 2005 11:36 AM

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He waited with his bags packed